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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Kiss of the Spider


Police in Dortmund, Germany found the body of a thirty year old man in his apartment draped in spider webs while being eaten by spiders, lizards, termites, snakes, and an assorted number of other species of creepy-crawlers Yuck!. The spokesman for the police claimed it was like a scene from a horror movie with spiders and such crawling out of the guy’s crevices with the lizards having torn chunks of flesh off. His apartment was described as a jungle where he never allowed visitors. Yeah, I’m really sure he had people clamoring to get in there. The victim is survived by his pet black widow spider, Bettina – she was also suspected to be the one who administered the killing sting. I’ve heard of neighbors from hell before but this guy took the term to the undiscovered country of neighbors to avoid at all cost.

The God awful part of this real life horror tale begins shortly after the lovely Bettina administers her deadly kiss. Our Dortmund hero, Mark Voegel, lies down on his couch, weakening rapidly from his encounter with pet Bettina. Moments later Mark discovers he can no longer move his limbs. He then remembers he hasn’t fed his menagerie for a while. Fading in and out of consciousness as his body becomes cocooned while every manner of nightmarish thing crawls, slithers and feeds on him for what must have seemed an eternity, Mr. Voegel undoubtedly at some point questioned his choice in roommates. His roommates however were quite happy with him right to the end. Yeah, I know… eeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh…

9 comments:

raine said...

Ok, yeah, that is seriously gross--and a really, really bad way to go!
(at least the boa constrictor didn't get him, ugh). :(
Doesn't it seem like he should've had time to call the equivalent of 911 after the bite?!
One of the many reasons I keep my cats well-fed.

BernardL said...

I'm thinking he may have fallen asleep on the couch with the lovely Bettina for company, Raine. The optimist in me hopes he never woke up. The horror writer in me figures he was awake for a long time... Madre de Dios. :(

'One of the many reasons I keep my cats well-fed.' LOL! Yeah, hopefully you can cash out before din-din.

Charles Gramlich said...

Definitely a horror trope. We have birds but we don't let 'em in the house. I don't want my eyes pecked out!

BernardL said...

Yep, I would have had more compassion for Mark if he hadn't made his apartment into the seventh level of hell by choice, Charles. :)

Jordan Summers said...

Oh man, sucky way to go. At least with a boa, he would've been suffocated immediately...then swallowed. Of course the rest of the critters would've been SOL. Yuck indeed.

BernardL said...

No happy ending on this one, Jordan. It was either very bad or very, very, very bad. I'm going to make it a point not to go by way of boa too. :)

Jordan Summers said...

Probably for the best. ;)

Rick said...

For want of a can of Raid, the battle was lost.

BernardL said...

I don't know, Rick. It's more for want of a mental hospital the out patient was lost. :)